My crown is not in glory!

"Who you are" is one of my favorite Jessie j.'s hit for it reminds me of something that should always do which is being true to myself.

So to reach this goal, bleached my hair till it lost its original black color. This deed made me realize that more than fulfilling my hair dying obsession or maybe just being true to myself I overseen an another perspective. 

In the corporate world, creating a mark is very much important. It is an essential strategy in promotion. And so as I bleached my hair, i made a mark, yes it was effective! I was recognized my many people because of my active character and upstaging hairstyle. Then one night I went to a store just to accompany my friends who will be buying some hygienic stuff. While waiting for them to buy, I walk around the store and upon gazing my eyes through the displayed items in the store, a hair dye caught my attention. A color gray hair dye. And without any rumination I bought it and decided to recolor and put some accent to my hair style for I noticed that my style has been common for numerous people I meet every day.

Before the mixture of dye placed on my hair, I decided to take picture of my bleached hair. I prepared a set of outfit that may suit for my hairstyle and I took photos of it to at least maximize its beauty on pictures that i can upload afterwards on my social platforms and then, I played with the brush and dye mixture though my hair.

I evenly put the mixture to my hair to create a unique hairstyle. While waiting for the dye to stick on my hair, I uploaded the pictures that I took. A very candid shot of myself caught my attention. I was shirt less and my hair is a bit scattered and my smile is very sensual.

I know that it would be risky for me for I am a leader, and I should have an authoritative image. But the other side of me argues with its other side. It says that I am young, I should take it slow. And also it is a social networking  media and it has nothing to do my position, but the then other side argument was raised that it was actually the point; it is a social networking media. Anything may be used against you and people will use it as reference to your character specially if they don't know you personally. Furthermore, if you have an authoritative image, you might be playing with the risk that people who surrounds you may loose their respect on you. 

My choice of music has been greatly influenced by the Art pop queen Mother Monster Lady Gaga whom I similarly share the same Ideology which is "I am my Hair".

maybe this song is one of my favourite lady gaga song because of its content. here it is

I just wanna be myself

And I want you to love me for who I am

I just wanna be myself 

And I want you to know, 

I am my hair

I've had enough, this is my prayer

That I'll die livin' just as free as my hair

I've had enough, this is my prayer

That I'll die livin' just as free as my hair

I've had enough, I'm not a freak 

I just keep fightin' to stay cool on the streets

I've had enough, enough, enough

And this is my prayer, I swear

I'm as free as my hair

I'm a free as my hair

I am my hair

I am my hair

Inline with this, two line were raised, first is being true to myself and the other one is the consideration on my image online.  In the cognitive state of my intellectual knowledge I just based it to my character that is cheerful. spontaneously, I remember that I use to be the epitome of happiness. The Living Example of "YOLO" or the people who enjoy their life for they believed that "You Only Live Once", so why should I be bothered with the idea of posting it may ruin my image? I guess  people around me are not moron to judge with just a single photo. I guess they will still judge me for what they have seen, but for what experience I have shared with them.

according to another quote from my favorite song I believed that "it’s my party; I can do what I want!" It’s my expression and I am deserving to express it. But after the number of likes rose, and comments doubled my sister commented to it, saying that what am I doing?

These words echoed in my mind. It feels like I was stuck in for moment just thinking of picture that I've uploaded, assessing my action and… … is it right or wrong? is it good or bad? did i hurt her? what have i done? Until i come up to a decision... ...

I uploaded another picture to change my profile and deleted the so called "Sensual" one. Everything returns to my mind. The Funny comments of my friends, the raising number of likes, the comment of my sister and everything shakes me. deactivating my account become an option and i was actually about to do it to avoid any arguments to end the discourse regarding it and leave the fire until the smoke is gone.

I was confused. I don’t know what to do. I want someone to talk to. I want someone to comfort me but there’s only me to comfort me. It seems that my inner peace was snatched at that moment, that my blue sky turned to grey. But being an optimistic person, I believe that there's always a rainbow after the rain.

Unfortunately, my sister and I got some rough arguments but still blood is thicker than water I apologized if i hurt her feelings, if I didn't consider her and now we're okay :)

Just feeling bad for the fact that her action is a simple act of supremacy. exploitation to my the freedom to express.